Written by Alli Price
Usually I write about business topics but today I felt moved to write about something more personal. Firstly, because as a mum in business you can’t separate the two and secondly, because I always feel like if I’m thinking these things, there may be other mums out there feeling the same.
So there is something in my life that far outweighs the guilt of say, putting my daughter in nursery a couple of days a week or working on the computer when she wants to play and that is leaving her Dad and separating them. It gets worse though, in September I will be moving to Oz and taking her with me.
For those of you who are in a similar situation to me, you will understand the guilt associated with this move is the worst of all. To take your child away from their father. And it’s probably magnified three-fold for me as I am a product of a broken home so I know exactly how it feels on all sides. I feel my pain, I feel his pain and I know all of the pain she will feel in coming years when she has to leave her Dad at the end of the holidays or when she’s angry with me for something and wants his comfort. And I’m feeling it all now.
It isn’t pleasant, it is sometimes debilitating, so how can I do it? Unfortunately, this world isn’t black and white and there is no perfect answer, nor any street signs pointing me in the right direction. Every step I take is unsure and laden with doubt but I have to take a step otherwise nothing happens at all.
So first, I go with my gut. My gut has never let me down yet and I can’t imagine it will start now. I have also looked at the pros and cons and thought about what I want for my daughter and I. Now, after looking at this list there is still no right answer but at least I am sure about the reasons why; like it will be a better, more outdoor lifestyle in Oz. I also know that if I stay in London I will probably have problems with depression and feel that my daughter needs a mum that is happy and healthy and not wallowing in misery.
The cons? She’s not with her Dad all of the time. But I have to try and remember every time I feel like crying with frustration that I am only trying to create the best possible scenario and this is all that is in my control. I can do no more.
The other thing I always try and remember is that this will be a better life in that she won’t be growing up with warring parents (as I did). And that by the time she’s 18 she’ll probably be living in London anyway and travelling for 10 years (as I did) and then he’ll be the one getting the pleasure of all her company.
So the next time I feel the guilt come over me I’m going to remind myself that I have a good heart, that I love my daughter, that I care for my mental health, that I respect my ex and that I am doing the best I can in a world that isn’t perfect.